How to Deal with School Stress

Let's be honest. Test scores pretty much determine your academic future. SAT or ACT score not high enough? Say goodbye to that scholarship. GPA not high enough? Looks like you'll be attending your 6th college of choice rather than your first or second. Didn't pass the EOCT? There's a high probability summer school's in your future. 

In this reality it's all too tempting to start defining yourself by your GPA, SAT score or most recent math test. I know - I've been there. The stress to perform academically is very real, and it seems to be growing every year as the Department of Education continues to push more and more standardized tests into the classroom. 

I wanted to write this post to show that many (if not all of us) go through stressful situations with school and grades. And if your schooling is creating stress in your life, all that means is that you're human. I'd like to share a time from my life of how the pressure from school affected one of my most favorite activities - swimming - and also give you some advice on how to handle that stress. My hope is that by reading this you can learn from me and won't have to go through as many headaches as I did.

I've been a swimmer since five years old, but it wasn't until my sophomore year of high school that I began swimming competitively year-round. A little over a year into training I quickly became one of the top swimmers in the state of Georgia. In fact, if you live in the Atlanta area you'll still see my name on some of the pool record boards. That being said, I also went through a very trying time with swimming mid way through college....

Swimmers, take your mark!"

 ...BEEP!

The quick sound of the buzzer went off and I, along with seven other swimmers, dove in for a 100m freestyle race at the University of Georgia.

I was feeling good about this race. The 100m freestyle was my best event. I had trained very hard leading up to State Championships, tapered my training well, and was feeling very rested. The six months leading up to this meet, however, were anything but good. I had been in a slump. My times were drastically slower than usual - embarrassingly slower. In fact, I had become so discouraged by my slow times that I wasn't competing as much as I should have been. I was positive, however, that this race was going to be the one that put me back on track. It was time for business. 

The shock of the cold water on my shaved skin came first after diving into the pool. I accelerated for the first 20m, then pushed into an all out sprint. My flip turn at the 50m mark was as smooth as butter and I was in the lead. "This is it!" I told myself. "I'm back!"

But that excitement didn't last long. Two of my competitors in the lanes to either side of me began gaining ground. I was holding nothing back, but still somehow they managed to get ahead. "No matter," I thought. "If I don't beat them now, I'll beat them in finals." I pushed further.

Another swimmer in a lane even further away began pulling in front of me. I was going as fast as my body would let me, but even still I tried harder so nobody else would pass. It didn't work. Another swimmer passed me. Then another. "That's okay - this is the race that I redeem myself with and it's probably just a fast heat." I was behind but I wasn't going to let that stop me from getting back on track. I had done everything right and was feeling fast.

The finish wall was getting closer. I was quickly running out of energy. 15m away. 10m away. 5m away. I glided into the wall strong but totally exhausted and out of breath. My entire body hurt from the lactic acid that built up during the race. I quickly and eagerly looked up at the score board to see where I placed. 

I found my name - Michael Miller - 7th place - time of 58.75 seconds. 

Now if you're a competitive swimmer, depending on how old you are and how long you've been training, a time of 58.75 for the 100m freestyle may be good for you. It may even be a time you're striving towards. But for me at this point in my training, that time was almost a full six seconds slower than my fastest (53.04). I was devastated. Again. 

What did I do wrong? I trained consistently to get out of the slump I was in and get back to the speed I should have been at. I tapered properly, and I even made it a point to eat healthier. But it seemed like I had hit a brick wall regardless of everything I was doing. 

Discouraged and embarrassed for what seemed to be the thousandth time, I scratched finals (crossed my name off the list) so I didn't have to go through the same thing again later that evening. All I wanted to do was go home and sleep. 

It wasn't until the next day while speaking with my coach that I finally got some clarity as to what was happening the past six months. 

"Michael, don't feel bad," he said. "This happens to a lot of people and I may know what's going on." 

"What do you think?" I asked. I had known coach Chris for years, and while he was my swim coach, he was also a very successful business owner and a pretty intuitive guy. I looked up to him and very much respected his viewpoint. 

After a series of questions about school and my life at home he said, " Michael, you have too many things on your mind." 

"Too many things on my mind?" I replied. 

"You're not enjoying your classes, you have hours of homework every day, you're in the middle of two large projects, you're trying to figure out whether your current major is the right one for you, and you're also trying to balance a training schedule with all of that. Michael, that's a lot to handle at once."

I thought for a moment. And then for a moment longer. He was right. My mental stress meter was maxed. I was spending 6 to 8 hours/day on homework alone (while having little interest in the classes that work was for), I wasn't satisfied with my current major and was also seriously considering a change. That was a recipe for disaster for my times.

But while the past six months of my swimming career had royally sucked, having this conversation with coach Chris actually lifted a lot of weight from my shoulders. Even though I had been in a slump for a while, I now finally knew what was causing it. 

If you're like me, you don't like when people don't like you. You want to be accepted. So you avidly avoid disappointing others or rocking the boat. Due to this you also tend to follow the crowd. The crowd offers security and acceptance. By going in the same direction as others you know what to expect and also won't get laughed at.

That was my mindset at the end of high school, and rooted in all of that were my reasons for attending college. I wanted to be looked upon with favor by taking the path to higher education rather than being scoffed at otherwise. By attending college I wouldn't be disappointing my parents, teachers, or guidance counselors, etc, and if I obtained a degree I wouldn't be seen as a failure by the general public.

Now, many would say those might be typical reasons for attending college, although not the best, especially for a 17 year old kid whose brain hadn't fully developed yet. They would be wrong, though. Those weren't reasons for attending college at all. They were reasons to avoid not attending college.

From what I can gather looking back at my career as a professional student, a decision to move toward something is generally much better than a decision to move away from something. A decision focused on running away almost always leaves your future to wherever the wind blows. It's difficult to know where you're going when you're constantly looking at what you're avoiding. Hence why I was in college for almost a decade. On the flip side, a decision to run toward something focuses your attention on where you're headed.

My reasons for attending college were to avoid bad outcomes I believed would happen if I didn't go, rather than to run toward some positive skill set or enlightenment I would achieve from being there. Thus I had no real reason for attending.

This leads to the second issue I faced: I shouldn't have been there in the first place. Not only because I didn't have any reason to be, but for many other reasons - I didn't enjoy the process of school, I had little idea of who I was or what I wanted to do with my life, and I didn't have the money to pay for it.

I didn't last long before these things bubbled up to the surface. A huge internal conflict began stirring within me. I wanted to obtain a degree, or so I thought, but at the same time I had no desire to sit in class. Sitting still and listening to my professors lecture bored me out of my mind. I was eager to get out into the real world but at the same time kept receiving a message that I needed a degree to do so. But also at the same time, my intuition and work experience thus far hinted that I didn't necessarily need a degree. I lacked the courage to drop out for eight years, and throughout that time period college became more and more of a daily chore to please my family and my professors.

Over almost a decade, in my efforts to make everyone else happy, I stopped thinking about myself. I became the one who was unhappy and stressed out. This stress began affecting other areas of my life, and that's what led to the situation I was in with swimming. Comedian Bill Cosby summed up my situation perfectly when he said, "I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone." And I failed from doing exactly that.

That's a lot of back story to explain a single situation, but my hope is that you might identify with parts of it.

If school is stressing you out, regardless of whether it's high school, college or whatever, not only are you not alone, ultimately you're also in control. Keep yourself in the driver's seat. If school is stressing you out, stop and think about what's causing the stress, and then determine how to deal with it. There could be many reasons. Lets start off with the most basic.

There will always be tests or projects or something coming up while you're in school. That's just reality. But maybe a little bit of stress may actually give you the motivation to get through your next assignment. The danger comes when that stress is so large or exists for so long that other areas of your life begin to suffer.

Are you nervous about an upcoming test? Project? Something similar? If so, take three deep breaths through your nose and think about something/someone you're grateful for. Realize test scores do not define you as a person. They don't give you intrinsic value. Five years from now you won't be looking back at this test (or whatever it is) and say, "yep, that really ruined my life." Trust me, you won't. Regardless of your grade. It's important to do well, but your value comes from who you are as a person. It comes from your character. It comes from your being created for something much more than test scores.

If it's not an assignment or test that's stressing you out, is it something deeper? Are you running away from something rather than running toward something else? Stop running away and shift your mindset to a positive result you want to achieve and what you need to do to get there. Let that be the reason for your actions.

Are you doing something you wouldn't otherwise be doing, maybe to please other people like I was? If so then muster up the courage to come clean - both with yourself and who you're trying to please. Explain how this situation is unhealthy for both parties. You feel obligated to take actions you wouldn't otherwise take, and the negative impact it's having on your life is damaging the quality of the outcome.

Also remember that the more attention you give to any one thing in life, the less you'll be able to give to everything else. For eight years I put an overwhelming majority of my mental energy toward college. That was a problem not only because I really shouldn't have been there, but also because life is more than academics. I'm not saying school is unimportant or life should be completely balanced all the time, but there are many parts to life other than formal schooling which are just as important. Family, friends, spiritual growth, career, personal development, finances, fitness, etc. If your attention is narrowly focused on one area, other areas of life will atrophy. If you're stressed out, this might be why as well.

Thanks for sticking with this one to the end. These are a few of the things I learned throughout the most difficult times in my educational career and I hope they can offer some guidance to you.